Henry Cloud, John Sims Townsend

Published in 1997, Joshua Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" expressed dissatisfaction with modern dating practices and proposed alternatives like "courting." Harris argued that traditional dating often involved pretense, hindering genuine connection, and suggested group dates and greater parental involvement as healthier approaches. He also contended that singleness should not be viewed negatively or as inherently self-centered.

However, by the late 2010s, Harris had significantly revised his stance. He apologized for the negative impact his book had on individuals, particularly those who felt pressured into prolonged singleness or rigid relationship rules due to its influence. He also requested that the book's publisher cease its distribution. Harris later expressed regret, attributing his earlier views partly to fear and the tendency to add legalistic rules to scripture, which he felt could lead people astray.

In "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," Joshua Harris introduced and popularized the concept of "courting" as a contrast to conventional dating. This approach sparked discussions about the validity of his proposed solutions and the reasoning behind them. Harris contended that dating relationships often involve individuals presenting an idealized version of themselves, which obstructs the process of truly getting to know another person. He suggested that "group dates" would be a more beneficial method for understanding someone's character, as individuals are less likely to maintain a facade in a group setting. His courtship model emphasized a more significant role for parents than typically seen in mainstream dating. Harris himself acknowledged that the book's message was sometimes interpreted as overly strict or legalistic, a development he found disappointing.

The book faced considerable criticism, with some commentators identifying it as promoting "benevolent sexism" and viewing women as possessions, alongside "rape supportive messaging" and "sexual purity teachings." These critiques often highlighted a perceived emphasis on hierarchical father-daughter relationships and a reduction in the autonomy of adolescent girls. Other analyses pointed out that the book discouraged conservative Christians from engaging in online dating and was associated with fostering feelings of "condemnation and shame" within the "True Love Waits" movement. The portrayal of ideal Christian women was often characterized as sexually passive, emotionally driven, and patient, potentially discouraging young Christian men from pursuing relationships. Christian psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend suggested that Harris' advice to avoid dating to prevent emotional pain could paradoxically hinder personal growth, particularly in developing healthy boundaries.

By 2016, Joshua Harris began to distance himself from the views expressed in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." He issued apologies to individuals who shared how the book had influenced them to remain single or had been used by others to enforce strict regulations. During a 2017 TED talk, Harris identified his own fears – concerning mistakes, heartbreak, and sexuality – as a significant influence on the book's content. He stated that while scripture addresses sexuality within marriage, this does not invalidate dating itself, and that adding excessive rules to protect people can be detrimental. In 2018, Harris publicly stated that he no longer believed dating should be avoided, apologized for the book's negative impact, and instructed the publisher to discontinue its sale. Later that year, he announced his separation from his wife and subsequently declared he was no longer a Christian.